Two things of note: first, HaloScan is now ded ded ded ded, taking with it the last couple of years' worth of comments here, which sucks but gives me an excuse to redecorate the place without worrying about preserving those bits of my old template. So - new look! New sidebars! New Blogger-hosted commenting engine!* Enjoy, if that's the word I'm looking for.
Second, today marks the anniversary of the first day of my latest time of unemployment. Which, as of a month ago, is now over, and I have a really fine job in a really excellent field (one where I can always go to bed at night knowing I'm not making the world any worse by working in it, huzzah), and I expect it will be a great experience as soon as I can get over my lingering Impostor Syndrome and waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Eleven months on the dole will fuck up your self-image but good, even if you're not starting off with the Neurotic Artist handicap.) Which means, Heaven and Earth, I practically have a career these days. Who knew?
We're not given anything forever, but for however long this moment lasts, it's all right.
_____
*And probably long overdue, I suppose, but while I never needed to use it, I miss having a comment host that came with an optional disemvoweller.
Showing posts with label teh angst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teh angst. Show all posts
February 19, 2010
December 15, 2009
I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving
BODY: Holy crap, it sure is getting cold. Winter must be coming.
MIND: It sure is! It'll be the Solstice soon.
BODY: We'd better stock up on lots of fatty and sugary food, then, for the long trek across the tundra. You never know when the next mammoth is going to come along.
MIND: Actually, we don't need to do that any more. Remember? We got civilization about, oh, six or eight thousand years ago. You really should keep up.
BODY: Oh, right right right. But we'll still need to build up reserves for when the frost lifts and we'll be working from dawn to dusk in the fields, tilling the hard soil.
MIND: Yeah, not so much. Subsistence farming isn't the default for human beings any more either. We talked about this last year. And the year before that.
BODY: But... We're in the northern hemisphere! It's cold! Without the extra fat, we could die!
MIND: Have you seen us lately? Not exactly lacking in that department. Plus, we live in a nice house with central heating. And fleece blankets. We'll be fine.
BODY: But... Pumpkin pie!
MIND: Well, that does sound pretty good, but...
BODY: PUMPKIN PIE! PUMPKIN PIE!
MIND: All right, dammit. Go get us a fork.
MIND: It sure is! It'll be the Solstice soon.
BODY: We'd better stock up on lots of fatty and sugary food, then, for the long trek across the tundra. You never know when the next mammoth is going to come along.
MIND: Actually, we don't need to do that any more. Remember? We got civilization about, oh, six or eight thousand years ago. You really should keep up.
BODY: Oh, right right right. But we'll still need to build up reserves for when the frost lifts and we'll be working from dawn to dusk in the fields, tilling the hard soil.
MIND: Yeah, not so much. Subsistence farming isn't the default for human beings any more either. We talked about this last year. And the year before that.
BODY: But... We're in the northern hemisphere! It's cold! Without the extra fat, we could die!
MIND: Have you seen us lately? Not exactly lacking in that department. Plus, we live in a nice house with central heating. And fleece blankets. We'll be fine.
BODY: But... Pumpkin pie!
MIND: Well, that does sound pretty good, but...
BODY: PUMPKIN PIE! PUMPKIN PIE!
MIND: All right, dammit. Go get us a fork.
June 09, 2009
Maestro Sartori
So yesterday, for the first time since the millenium or so, I went and had most of my hair cut off.
Several factors came together for this. One is, yes, that I'm still unemployed, and I was starting to feel less and less in love with my hair more than it was a liability to me. It's stupid and unfair that it should be so, but stupid and unfair are, alas, still forces to be reckoned with in the world. Better to pick a fight that can be won right now, circumstances being what they are.
The other thing was that it was just exactly long enough again to donate to Locks of Love, which is really what threw the balance for me. Conceding to the silly prejudices of the mainstream doesn't leave nearly as bad a taste when you have the excuse of doing it for a good cause.
Anyway, thus I come forth new-made:
Not a bad look for me, actually. And if I get tired of it - it's hair. It grows.
(Photo by the Missus.)
Several factors came together for this. One is, yes, that I'm still unemployed, and I was starting to feel less and less in love with my hair more than it was a liability to me. It's stupid and unfair that it should be so, but stupid and unfair are, alas, still forces to be reckoned with in the world. Better to pick a fight that can be won right now, circumstances being what they are.
The other thing was that it was just exactly long enough again to donate to Locks of Love, which is really what threw the balance for me. Conceding to the silly prejudices of the mainstream doesn't leave nearly as bad a taste when you have the excuse of doing it for a good cause.
Anyway, thus I come forth new-made:
Not a bad look for me, actually. And if I get tired of it - it's hair. It grows.
(Photo by the Missus.)
February 26, 2009
"Woe betide the favorites of gods who think they're funny"
Most of my (no doubt rapidly declining) readership probably knows this already, but a week ago I got my second laying-off these twelve months, and am back on the job hunt, in the teeth of the Econopocalyse and everything. So, uh, wish me luck, or something - not least that whatever gig I happen to land next doesn't have "Redshirt" listed as implicit under "Other duties as assigned."
It's bitter the need of the poor ditching boy
He'll always believe what they say
They tell him it's hard to be honest and true
Does he mind if he doesn't get paid?
It's bitter the need of the poor ditching boy
He'll always believe what they say
They tell him it's hard to be honest and true
Does he mind if he doesn't get paid?
January 14, 2009
Not Single Spies
Two things from the last day or so in the Not Good News column:
First, the latest word on my grandmother (better known to us, and most of of you, as MaMa) is that she is not well and fading fast; she's no longer able to eat, which likely puts her remaining time (barring bona fide divine intervention, which I doubt she would welcome even if she believed in it, which she doesn't) as a matter of days. This is not shocking news; she was moved recently to hospice care, and the clock's been pretty much winding down ever since. She is comfortable and well-cared-for and the end is being allowed to take its course, which has been her wish for a long while.
I visited her in her nursing home last April, when she was okay but a little confused, and it wasn't terribly long after that when she stopped knowing who people were when they came to see her. I've felt for a while now that going to visit would be much more for my sake than for hers, and neither of us would get much benefit or comfort from it. If that sounds like a shocking casting-off of filial duty, know that I've wrestled with my conscience on it enough to be prepared to live with myself. A better world would, perhaps, have had her last days spent surrounded by her family in her own home; that world would also not have robbed her of so much of herself in these past few years, so that she's simply existing as a shell of what she used to be. The sad truth is that she's been slowly but surely taking her leave for a while now, and this next step will simply be the final stage of a long process. The MaMa I will mourn is one who is already departed, and that's whose memory I mean to keep alive.
The second thing is that our Monty is currently in doggie hospital for the next couple of days, as we discovered that yesterday morning he ate an entire one-pound fruitcake* - full of raisins, which are very very bad for dogs. We took him to the emergency vet last night, where they are keeping him on an IV and watching his toxin levels. He was, for the record, his usual happy playful self when we took him in, and has been doing well - Stacy called this morning and his kidneys were in good shape (renal failure is the cause of most raisin toxicity deaths, for reasons that are still apparently a little mysterious) but his liver was hurting a little, so bringing him in for detox was the right decision. The doctor is optimistic and so are we, but we're a little anxious nonetheless, so if you have any good thoughts to spare for a very silly little dog whose dad was very careless about what he left lying around the house, they would not be unwelcome.
Updates as I know them.
Update 1/15: Mom talked to someone at the nursing home yesterday who said that MaMa's prospects are anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. That's imminent, but not quite as immediate as I first thought. It could still be more or less any time, though.
Monty's second round of blood work early this morning was pretty good. His kidneys are fine, though one of his liver levels went up some and we need to have him tested again in a few days. He's been perky and in good spirits.** They're trailing off his fluids and he'll get to come home tonight. We are, needless to say, greatly relieved.
_____
*Those of you who were around for, or got word of, the Great Hoagie Caper of Thanksgiving 2008 will be less than shocked to read this. I suspect he put the whole thing away in less than 90 seconds, getting the wrapper off included.
**And, almost certainly, loud. We've been able to hear him on the phone whenever we've talked to someone in the same room with him. How is it that we ended up with the mouthy kid?
First, the latest word on my grandmother (better known to us, and most of of you, as MaMa) is that she is not well and fading fast; she's no longer able to eat, which likely puts her remaining time (barring bona fide divine intervention, which I doubt she would welcome even if she believed in it, which she doesn't) as a matter of days. This is not shocking news; she was moved recently to hospice care, and the clock's been pretty much winding down ever since. She is comfortable and well-cared-for and the end is being allowed to take its course, which has been her wish for a long while.
I visited her in her nursing home last April, when she was okay but a little confused, and it wasn't terribly long after that when she stopped knowing who people were when they came to see her. I've felt for a while now that going to visit would be much more for my sake than for hers, and neither of us would get much benefit or comfort from it. If that sounds like a shocking casting-off of filial duty, know that I've wrestled with my conscience on it enough to be prepared to live with myself. A better world would, perhaps, have had her last days spent surrounded by her family in her own home; that world would also not have robbed her of so much of herself in these past few years, so that she's simply existing as a shell of what she used to be. The sad truth is that she's been slowly but surely taking her leave for a while now, and this next step will simply be the final stage of a long process. The MaMa I will mourn is one who is already departed, and that's whose memory I mean to keep alive.
The second thing is that our Monty is currently in doggie hospital for the next couple of days, as we discovered that yesterday morning he ate an entire one-pound fruitcake* - full of raisins, which are very very bad for dogs. We took him to the emergency vet last night, where they are keeping him on an IV and watching his toxin levels. He was, for the record, his usual happy playful self when we took him in, and has been doing well - Stacy called this morning and his kidneys were in good shape (renal failure is the cause of most raisin toxicity deaths, for reasons that are still apparently a little mysterious) but his liver was hurting a little, so bringing him in for detox was the right decision. The doctor is optimistic and so are we, but we're a little anxious nonetheless, so if you have any good thoughts to spare for a very silly little dog whose dad was very careless about what he left lying around the house, they would not be unwelcome.
Updates as I know them.
Update 1/15: Mom talked to someone at the nursing home yesterday who said that MaMa's prospects are anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. That's imminent, but not quite as immediate as I first thought. It could still be more or less any time, though.
Monty's second round of blood work early this morning was pretty good. His kidneys are fine, though one of his liver levels went up some and we need to have him tested again in a few days. He's been perky and in good spirits.** They're trailing off his fluids and he'll get to come home tonight. We are, needless to say, greatly relieved.
_____
*Those of you who were around for, or got word of, the Great Hoagie Caper of Thanksgiving 2008 will be less than shocked to read this. I suspect he put the whole thing away in less than 90 seconds, getting the wrapper off included.
**And, almost certainly, loud. We've been able to hear him on the phone whenever we've talked to someone in the same room with him. How is it that we ended up with the mouthy kid?
February 12, 2008
Wizard of Changes, Teach Me the Lesson of Flow
I've had a substantial post in the works for a little while now, in part taking up the gauntlet for Aishwarya's memetag, and which I mean to finish, um, soonish. I've been distracted, I fear.
Mostly of my focus lately has been on updating and distributing my resume, as I found out not too long ago that my job's being reorged out of existence at the end of the month. I'm actually pretty much okay with this, much as I love what I've been doing; it helps that my current employers have been incredibly supportive (they don't really want to let me go, but it's a money thing) and I have some good leads and at least can go on the dole if it comes down to it. Andy remarked the other night that it sounds like I'm being kicked out of the nest, which is more or less how I've been thinking of it.
Nonetheless, if you're so inclined, a good thought or two in my direction would not go amiss, should you wish to help persuade the universe to find gainful (and tolerable) employment for this ragged bohemian. Something along the lines of "we will fork over bags of cash for the sake of you being clever and brilliant" for preference, but hey, my options are, of necessity, open.
In other news, the happy meds continue to work their strange magic (and thank Heaven for that). I almost don't have any basis for comparison for the change this has been, other than to marvel at what I've been missing in having emotional responses the way neurotypical folks do and not being utterly overwhelmed by goddamned everything. Yay pharmacology.
Also, tonight, we go vote. Wish us luck.
Mostly of my focus lately has been on updating and distributing my resume, as I found out not too long ago that my job's being reorged out of existence at the end of the month. I'm actually pretty much okay with this, much as I love what I've been doing; it helps that my current employers have been incredibly supportive (they don't really want to let me go, but it's a money thing) and I have some good leads and at least can go on the dole if it comes down to it. Andy remarked the other night that it sounds like I'm being kicked out of the nest, which is more or less how I've been thinking of it.
Nonetheless, if you're so inclined, a good thought or two in my direction would not go amiss, should you wish to help persuade the universe to find gainful (and tolerable) employment for this ragged bohemian. Something along the lines of "we will fork over bags of cash for the sake of you being clever and brilliant" for preference, but hey, my options are, of necessity, open.
In other news, the happy meds continue to work their strange magic (and thank Heaven for that). I almost don't have any basis for comparison for the change this has been, other than to marvel at what I've been missing in having emotional responses the way neurotypical folks do and not being utterly overwhelmed by goddamned everything. Yay pharmacology.
Also, tonight, we go vote. Wish us luck.
January 01, 2008
Ring Out, Ring In
I've spent all the time between my last post and now either out of town or sick or both, and between that and the impending post-holiday blues I'm still a bit short of vitality, but nevertheless: Happy New Year, everyone. Here's hoping the best of what's passed is the worst of what's to come.
February 22, 2007
Shuffling Towards Golgotha
So it's been the better part of a month since I turned 33; I am now the same age as Christ was when he was tortured to death, and also Frodo when he inherited the One Ring. This is not really what you'd call a couple of good precedents.
But many thanks, anyway, to all of you who sent your good wishes last month. It was nice to see some folks around these parts who haven't joined in for a while. Consider this encouragement to keep it up.
Still beating my head aginst the winter blahs a bit, but this year has been pretty mild for all that, and it's starting to let up. I realize it's not terribly Goffic of me to be glad to see Spring, but there you have it. Perky, yanno.
And yes, New!Blogger waylaid me at login a couple of weeks ago and proceeded to eat my archive links. Stupid technology. We'll see how it plays out. Maybe it actually is as shiny as it says it is.
Going to go eat now.
But many thanks, anyway, to all of you who sent your good wishes last month. It was nice to see some folks around these parts who haven't joined in for a while. Consider this encouragement to keep it up.
Still beating my head aginst the winter blahs a bit, but this year has been pretty mild for all that, and it's starting to let up. I realize it's not terribly Goffic of me to be glad to see Spring, but there you have it. Perky, yanno.
And yes, New!Blogger waylaid me at login a couple of weeks ago and proceeded to eat my archive links. Stupid technology. We'll see how it plays out. Maybe it actually is as shiny as it says it is.
Going to go eat now.
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